Yesterday was our first OB appointment. I was a total ball of nerves and excitement all morning waiting for 2pm to role around. I got encouraging text messages throughout the morning from the few people we've told so far. It was really helpful. On the way to my doctor's office I had so much nervous energy, every time I hit a stop light, the only way I could get rid of it was to clap and sing really loud. I probably looked nuts, but who cares!
Josh met me at the doctor's office, and after checking in, we sat and waited, and waited, and waited, for what seemed like forever! But was really about half an hour. I really just wanted to go straight to the ultrasound and skip all the other stuff, but I knew I had to do all the tests and exams too. At this first appointment I got to see the same doctor I had during my first pregnancy, but because of our daughter's stillbirth, I will be transferred to "high risk" from now on.
So after all the initial exams, the doctor walked us back to the ultrasound room. I wanted to run down the hall! I was so anxious to see that heartbeat. Finally, laying on the table, in the room I never thought I'd see again, hoping to hear something that I never thought I'd hear again, there it was. A heartbeat. A fast, beautiful, flickering, miracle. Going at 170 beats per minute. Our little Who was there...is here. My mind is totally blown. I immediately started crying. Such happy tears. I apologized because my uncontrollable sobbing made it hard for my doctor to take measurements. She was very understanding though, considering the last ultrasound she did on me showed a full but quiet womb, she understood. The nurse handed me tissue and Josh squeezed my hand and just said "we never thought we'd be here again" as he smiled at the little flicker on the screen. It was a perfect moment.
She printed our little who's first pictures, gave me orders for blood work, made our next appointment, and we were on our way. It feels more real now. Yes, I've had nausea, tiredness, etc. blah blah blah, but seeing our little person, this person God has graced us with, a living miracle, it's all hitting me. We did nothing to deserve this second chance. Absolutely nothing about us, nothing we did, made this possible. This little person is 100% miracle.
It also turns out I'm about five days farther along than I thought I was. Baby was measuring exactly eight weeks yesterday. Yay for skipping five days! So, our little who is the size of a raspberry. An amazing, undeserved, miraculous raspberry.
Look at that precious, sweet baby!
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