Spontaneous Pregnancy

Yesterday was my nurse consultation for the high risk department. Consultation is just a fancy word for a nurse asking me an hour's worth of questions about my medical history, Josh's medical history, and my family medical history. It was good though. I had to get off the elevator on the floor where I gave birth to Evelyn, and I was fine. Walked down the hallway to the maternity wing, and I was fine. Answered questions about her stillbirth and autopsy, and I was fine. I did it. God gave me peace.

The nurse was super sweet too. She even used Evelyn's name, something I've noticed a lot of medical employees avoid. They call her a "stillbirth" or "intrauterine fetal demise". I understand they need to keep their emotional distance though, so I don't hold it against them. I know who Evelyn was. This nurse was very kind though. She acknowledged the questions were hard and tried to move through them quickly. She used a term for my pregnancies that made me want to giggle. She called them "spontaneous pregnancies". Spontaneous my left foot! Both were/are acts of God! I know what she meant though. I'm pregnant without the help of fertility meds. After two years and sickening amounts of money spent on treatments and medications, I had become pregnant without any medical help. Again, that doesn't sound spontaneous to me at all. That sounds funny, and frustrating, and totally beyond my control. Exactly where God deals best. My pregnancies aren't spontaneous, they're spectacular.